Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
