True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
