Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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