she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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