why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
