I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
