You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
