I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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