You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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