oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
