the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Never underestimate the power of titties
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
