I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
