Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
