I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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