Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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