Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
