I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my liver is dry heaving
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
