Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
