what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
