Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
