I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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