how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
