Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
