Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
