He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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