everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
