$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
