I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you never un-have a 4some
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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