it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
