i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize