I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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