do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dicks are not precious.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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