i don't like sucking hair
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
