his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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