just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
