He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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