Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
