One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
