please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
