My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
