if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So much rum. So many feels.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
