sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had sex on a roof
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