Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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