that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
