There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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