My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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