I CAN MOONWALK!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
