people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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