Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
