He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
