It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
