Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know her cup size but not her name....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
