Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize