I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
