I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
