Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
