New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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