fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've blown a few things in my day
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
