I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
