he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
