Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
