you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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