Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize