i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
